Women's Portraits

Antonia Lersch

‘…well, over the years I have become a real stage animal’

Ulrike: “You have imbibed music from your infancy and music has accompanied you all your life in various ways. Nowadays you are not only singing with your grandchildren, but you practice two fields of musical activity, which are unusual.”

Antonia: „I am a member of the stage ensemble L.E.O. – the ‚Last Enjoyable Opera-Theatre’ – where I am in charge of Viennese songs, for which I also do a lot of research in the National Library“.  The emphasis is on Jewish authors, because of their very special sense of humor and wordplay. „I am particularly interested in couplets from the period between 1850 and 1930. Here you can find a vast number of delicacies.  I also act more and more in one-woman-shows, which gives me great pleasure.”

Already at the age of 36, Antonia had her first operation because of a slipped vertebral disc, two more 10 and 13 years later. Subsequently she was suffering from chronic pains for many years. In addition, she had an accident later on, and as a consequence was restricted in her mobility. Again by co-incidence she heard about ‘Age Company’, a dancing group of women aged 50-75. She participated in a teaser weekend seminary, and ever since she is an enthusiastic member, lost weight and has regained mobility. „ Many things are possible again, which I never expected would come back“.

Antonia:„I feel really great, when I am on stage. Well yes, over the years I have become a real stage animal. It makes no difference whether it is in the L.E.O ensemble or on my own as a soloist or in the dancing group, it is just simply a wonderful body feeling. I am a patient in pain clinic and permanently on medication. But when I have a performance, I sometimes even forget to take the pills. Nevertheless, no pain, not even when I dance.“

„My husband is very supportive. He is a sculptor, pupil of Wotruba. He understands my desire to be active in artistic fields. We support each other“.

Ulrike: It must be awful never to be rid of pain over decades, how did you manage to cope with that?

Antonia: „Good question. I learned also in pain to function normally – sometimes maybe above normal standards. For some years I lived in Germany, where I had the first slipped disc - with a husband and three kids and simultaneously attending a course at the music school, where I later had a job as a teacher for infantile musical education. It was fun, but I just had these constant pains. Since the birth of my second daughter they were my persistent companion.”

Antonia’s parents likewise lived a marriage based on partnership, amazing for those times. Her mother was a member of a famous choir and frequently on tour. Her father supported this despite criticism of some of the relatives. He always said that he had married a woman, and not a cleaning cloth.  An aunt living with them also looked after the children with great love and care, but restricted free development by being overly cautious.

Antonia is grateful that her parents placed high importance in artistic education, they did everything which was possible financially and timewise. They sang together, visited theater, opera, cinemas, museums. At the same time they put an emphasis on political learning, there were frequent discussions.  The parents were social democrats. Among the friends of the family were also previous KZ prisoners.  Ever since she heard their vivid reports, she can until today hardly bear films about concentration camps or to visit them.

Antonia: “For me the worst is, if people say ‘I MUST learn’ or ‘I MUST work’. It wastes so much energy, when you are forced to do a job you don’t like at all. People, who like what they are doing, and who are employed according to their competences in a self determined way, have the highest efficiency. I believe that current economical developments, which unfortunately are also politically accepted in the social field, are going completely the wrong direction.”

Regarding the future Antonia is cautiously optimistic.  Movements like Outraged Citizens, Slowfood and Slowmotion are indicators that the pendulum could swing again into the other direction.

Also the last three years in her working life as director of a geriatric daycare center were affected very negatively by the prevalent economical maxims.

Antonia: „Life is a crescendo and decrescendo.  In the decrescendo stage it is important to sustain the abilities as long as possible.  Childhood and old age are similar, therefore the same techniques are employed.  The only difference: one does not have the scheme of childlike characteristics in old age any more and is subsequently regarded as human hazardous waste.  Care for old people nowadays is focusing on deficits, happiness by force. The desired standard is mostly based on the benchmarks of the nursing staff and not on the requirements of the fosterling.

Thereby old people feel pressured, they get nervous and restless, sometimes angry and furious. And consequently they have to be treated with psychotropic drugs, whereas with communication techniques like validation the situation could be calmed down.  Care for the elderly needs a large workforce, it can only be good if it is related to the specific necessities and requirements, with sufficient time and professional attention.”

Ulrike: What would you recommend to stay active and sustain the personal resources as long as possible?

Antonia:„ Travelling, to follow current events, to have children and grandchildren, to be embedded in a family, also care for other people, keep your social environment and bring to an end all matters, which give you heartache and wear you down. I have the feeling for all this you have to train yourself, and this gets easier if you stay in motion. I believe if you keep spirit and body in motion, it is much easier to adopt new positions and perspectives. Also to notice: I am learning, but I am learning things, which I can still make use of.  And curiousness – I believe curiousness is one of the most important anti-aging drugs. Actually I hate the word anti-aging, I would rather call it pro-aging. Anti-aging insinuates I am negating aging, and this is in itself counterproductive. Everyone wants to become very old, but without the unpleasant side effects like restrictions in your physical abilities or losing them altogether. No one wants to cope with that.  I think the best pro-aging drugs are contentment, curiousness and mobility.”

Soon Antonia will have a 7^th grandchild, and her grandchildren keep her in motion. She is confronted with topics like soccer, pop music, new media etc, which she would not really have taken up on her own otherwise.

Antonia: „Grandchildren keep you more in place and in the presence. I noted that for people who are alone it is much more difficult to stay agile. In the daycare center I met many women, who had lost their partners in the war and were living alone. And I got the feeling that this isolation and losing the social environment, made it extremely difficult for them, since they had no support when life started to get cumbersome. The same for staying active – to not just turn to radio and TV irrigation. Lonely people much easier become negligent and languid. But I did not mean this in a downgrading way – without a contact partner it is much easier to fall into depression. And one day one drowns in this ditch.

Ulrike: How did you personally take it when you noticed now I have arrived in the last third of my life?

Antonia: „With me it was actually a floating transition. I had my first operation when I was 36. And to notice then that I could not control some body functions any more and that I could not pursue some activities any more, which I liked to do before – these were the first flashes of lightning announcing aging. It means, as far as my body was concerned I felt very old already at a still young age, also with being constantly in pain.”

Therefore Antonia decided to work in geriatrics. In this field she learned self-confidence, not to let things simmer, to bring them to an end.  Once dementia has set in it is not possible any more to work off issues, which are a strain, but unconsciously they remain a burden.

Antonia: „I only fully realized it, when my mother died. I was 51. And during the funeral ceremony it struck me – there is no protective shield any more, I am standing in first row now, in pole position. This was a very strong insight. I do hope that I do not have to go through a cancer disease like my mother and that I can let go life, when my body irreparably does not function any more.

Many thanks for our talk and your time.

Ulrike Rahmatian (Interview), Gerti Zupanich (Video)