Women's Portraits

Vanda Fabi

Eighty-five years old woman, with a B.A. degree in natural sciences, former teacher, 5 children, 4 grandchildren. Satisfied about her life, even though, obviously, she has not realized all of her dreams. For the future she wishes good health for herself and her family, as well as the possibility to continue to cultivate her hobbies. She hopes her death will be serene.

Interview

A positive childhood memory is my adoption by my uncle and aunt. They were well-to-do and did not have children of their own. They gave me the opportunity to study and complete my B.A. degree. My adoption was a great sacrifice for my parents, but they had two other children and their financial means were limited. I was very grateful to my biological parents for agreeing to the adoption and I was proud to keep their last name.
I would have liked to become an archeologist, possibly in Egypt, or a conductor.
Instead, I completed a degree in natural sciences and teaching was a source of satisfaction for me.
From the age of 40 to that of 60 I worked frenetically, raising 5 children and teaching. Fortunately, during those years we took a few nice trips abroad.
Raising 5 children and having a profession is possible under 2 conditions: 1) that the mother and the children enjoy good health; 2) a precise and rigorous organization. That made it possible for me to continue working outside the home, in my case as a teacher, in order to satisfy a need for self-realization that can hardly be satisfied doing housework, unless one has the right personality, which I did not. Maybe because I got married when I was 29 years old and I already had a well-defined personality, I retained also my passion for reading and for listening to classical music, which I could obviously do only in those rare moments that were miraculously free from other commitments. It was really hard work, but it was worth it.
I am pleased with the way I raised my children; I was lucky. All of them have professions that are a source of some success and much satisfaction. I have a very good relationship with my children. One of them came to live with me after getting a divorce; the others live further away but they come to visit regularly.
At times I think about the past, but I do not dwell on it. I am too busy.

I had difficult moments around the age of 40 and 70.In this period of my life, I devote myself to my family and to travels, reading, writing, and art history. I use the computer regularly. Currently, I am reading Vasari’s Lives in order to collect “first-hand” and often very interesting information to add to the compendium on 15th-century art that I am writing for personal and familial use, as a guide for our trips to Florence. My travels, which used to take me to distant places (such as California, Germany, Belgium, France, and Spain) are now limited to Italy. The daughter with whom I travel and I are finally realizing more fully the wonderful artistic beauties of Italy. Every year I spend a week attending a course organized by the Bologna Dominican Academy in evocative places where we listen to lectures on literature or on music. In the latter case, the lectures are accompanied by musical performances by clever artists.
I do not have specific projects for the future. I would like to enjoy beautiful things and be surrounded by sincere affection.

With regard to death, I hope to meet it in “God’s grace” and to accept it as serenely as possible.
My life has been laborious, but full of satisfactions. The important values in my life are my family, friends, and the faith in God. The faith in God should be the most important value, but it’s a difficult and life-long achievement.
My advice to the young would be: 1) to find a job where they can find self-realization, remembering that trying to do one’s job well is in itself a source of satisfaction; 2) to be, with the help of true religious feeling, good, honest, and patient. These are qualities that do not necessarily lead to success, but they are a source of inner well-being.

My advice for the elderly or, as in my case, for the old is the following:
1) patience, which is a fundamental attitude and conquest, a quality that is not at all passive, since it requires self-control and a pronounced sense of humor, which is indispensable in order to tolerate oneself and also others.
2) not to withdraw into oneself or only into the family circle, but to look around and be open. There is so little empathy and willingness to listen in our society that one does not need to look for long.[ Offering patient help and a sympathetic ear makes one feel useful, and that is a gratifying feeling at any age.
3) cultivating an interest in specific topics (related to art, music, literature, science, etc.) and preparing written summaries of the most engaging things one reads about, in order both to understand them more clearly and to help one’s memory (which at this age is not as good as it used to be).
4) getting used to new technologies (such as computers or mobile phones) with calm and determination.
5) setting precise times, within the limits of the possible, for various activities, as well as for the moments of rest in-between different activities. It is particularly important to set precise times for meals when one lives by oneself.
6) getting used to doing also activities that are not too demanding: knitting, crocheting, drawing, painting, and so on. Occupations that are not too demanding help to release tensions.
7) cultivating good friend, that is, persons who are intelligent and active. This piece of advice is particularly difficult to follow after a certain age, because even the best have the dangerous tendency to pass away.

Giulia Fabi