Women's Portraits

Dorothee Durka

Place, date, time: Thalfingen, June 11, 2011, 10 am to 12.30 pm
Interviewer: Christel Freitag-Wagner
Interviewed: Dorothee D
Medium: Talk with notes
Publication: photo and IT

The motto of the 72-year-old Dorothee is,"to endure and to persevere"

Childhood and youth

Even as a child Dorothee had to learn how to adapt to new circumstances and conditions. During the war she was evacuated to the Harz with her mother and her elder brother. After living on a farm for some years she returned to Mönchengladbach, her home town, where she lived with her family, her aunt and her grandmother in an overcrowded house. After 6 ½ years her father came back from the war, rawboned and haggard. He had become a stranger to her.

Soon her mother fell ill, and the living room had to be turned into sick-room. Her mother died, when Dorothee was ten years old. Her aunt looked after Dorothee when she was at home, but often she was in the open. After 1 ½ years her father married again. Her stepmother did not think highly of school; in her view physical work was more important. Dorothee got slaps in the face and there were lots of arguments. Her father became a workaholic and he was seldom at home. Since her stepmother thought that girls would marry Dorothee had to fight in order to be allowed to take the Abitur. After the Abitur she worked  as a correspondent for two years.  A relationship ended and Dorothee decided to study at a university as her elder brother did. Again she took the decision, and her stepmother could not prevent her from doing so. Dorothee  took Latin like her brother, and theology to find answers to the problems of life. Her goal was to work as a teacher at a high school. She took her degree at a university in Southern Germany.

Living with her family

Dorothee married and worked for three years. Then her first child was born. She had to get a babysitter for the child in order to be able to work part-time. After the birth of her second child she stayed at home. Three years later her husband got a severe psychical illness. He was ill for several years. Dorothee had to protect the children and she had to start working again to earn money. After four years she separated from her husband. At that time Dorothee was 45 years old. Looking back she says that the illness of her husband and  separating from him was the worst time in her life.

The children graduated from high school and left to study, and since that time they have been guests  in her home. These days they occasionally visit with their families.

After her sons had left she began to work full time, and she was satisfied with her job.  As a teacher she had many social contacts and got praise and acknowledgement. In her free time she sang in a choir and did honorary work in the parish. In this way she prepared for her retirement.

Retirement

When she retired she lost the contacts connected with her job, and Dorothee did more honorary work. Besides her work as a treasurer in a choir she also helps in a shop for the Third World. She works voluntarily in a library, and organises singing in a home for elderly people. She also works as a private tutor and teaches German for foreigners.

After the end of her professional career she was more lonely und  more often she had the feeling of loneliness. She has adapted to being alone, and at times she enjoys being able to do what she wants to do. For her it is very  important to meet other people and to be in touch with friends and acquaintances.

She is content to be healthy and to be able to do a lot of different things. But at times she only sees  the four walls of her living room  and  she would prefer to have more contacts. She likes tasks  and challenges and wants to be a person who is needed. Her children and grandchildren do not need her often, and  her relatives live far away. So she tries  to do her best every day and not to be self-centred, but to have contacts  and to help other people. For example she does the washing for a family with many children and she regularly visits sick people.She is happy to be an active member of society. She also uses the new media and she is interested in what is going on in the world.

She says that she endured her stepmother, and when her stepmother became psychically ill, Dorothee took care of her little half brother. She holds a university degree and she has two children. During and after the severe illness of her husband she solved the serious problems involved. She has been a successful teacher and, in recent years,  she has broadened her horizons by travelling to other countries.

To sum up: it was worthwhile struggling in order to overcome the problems and the difficulties she was confronted with in her life.

Christel Freitag-Wagner